I’m confused. When I was 21 weeks pregnant, Fit Pregnancy, whom I’ve enlisted to send me a weekly email update on the baby’s developments, told me that she was the size of a newborn bear cub. That’s cute, right? Even though I don’t like bears or the thought of something with claws living in my center mass, it’s still pretty cute.

Two weeks later though, they said she was about the size of a bag of coffee beans, which is neither cute nor - in my limited experience as a barista and zookeeper - larger than a bear cub. The following week, they likened her to a banana, which is a completely different shape all together and not even remotely in line with a progression from a baby animal to a rectangular bag of anything.

Either my baby has gone haywire or someone over at Fit Pregnancy needs to head back to kindergarten to re-take Shapes 101.