Someone gave me, in my Christmas stocking, a box of Band-Aids - sorry: Boo Boo Kisses Adhesive Bandages. Fine. Good so far. Who doesn’t need sexy band-aids?

The package says, “FREE TOY INSIDE!”

OK, still with you. Everyone loves a toy, especially a free one, especially me.

Here’s where things get weird. Turns out the “toy” is a tiny plastic man in a black tie, grey dress pants, and heavy black-rimmed glasses which frame his catatonic zombie eyes. I can see that being stuck in a metal box of Boo Boo Kisses Adhesive Bandages for an extended period might make you catatonic. That I get. But is this guy really a “toy”? He has no moving parts and, more disturbingly for the category, he looks like a mental patient. And he would definitely get caught in my throat if I swallowed him, so not so much a toy for, say, a cat. Or a child under the age of…well, 38 apparently.

Why are they putting a tiny non-action figure from Mad Men in my box of naughty band-aids? That’s weird, right? Right?